I have been blessed.

Here I am using this blog as more of a journal than a blog. So proceed with caution if you are reading.

Yesterday was really rough for me. Actually, it started the night before yesterday. Physically, this pregnancy has been an absolute breeze. I couldn't be more blessed. Mentally and emotionally it's been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. My mind often wants to do one thing and gets frustrated at my body for not being able to do it. For example, I wanted to run and jump in Scott's arms and tackle him and play and have fun, but that's nearly impossible with a large belly and several excess pounds. So I got pretty upset and frustrated with myself. Which then caused a domino effect of me having a break down and unloading all my emotional frustration on Scott. Which then caused him to get frustrated because he didn't understand why it's hard for me to love my body, not compare myself to others, and not care what people think or say to me. (though I have had some unintentional very rude comments) Also why even though he tells me over and over how beautiful and sexy I am pregnant, I get bent out of shape when one person, even someone I might not know, makes a seemingly harmless comment about my size.

So, needless to say I woke up yesterday still feeling very down and discouraged. It got worse when my mom asked me how I was and I unloaded everything on her. Which caused another long round of crying. Eventually I just took a nap and then went to my chiropractor appointment. I told Scott on the way home that I felt really fragile and needed some love. And boy, did he deliver.

When I asked what I should make for dinner, the words "I think pizza sounds good" have never sounded so sweet. Then he proceeded to call and order, and pick it up. While we were waiting at home, he cuddled me up on the couch and just scratched my back. After dinner he did all the dishes and then asked what I wanted to do. We played Ticket to Ride together. He promised to not predict my every move (which he usually does) and just to play the game for fun and not care about winning. It was very fun and relaxed. And he did win, because he got really lucky, but it didn't matter because it was all fun. Then he willingly rubbed my back and shoulders (I have this huge knot in one spot on my back that will not go away and it hurts like crazy every day). Then we cuddled up some more and just talked a little. Then he started speaking Portuguese to me. At first I kept trying to translate and understand, but then he told me he just wanted to speak and for me to just listen. He went on for a long time and I'm not sure exactly what he said, but I know it was pretty darn sweet. I can understand a few words, so I was able to understand the context of what he was saying. Afterward I asked him to translate and he very tenderly said "Sometimes it's better left untranslated." He cuddled and loved me more and then let me go to sleep while he finished studying.

It may not seem like much to someone else, but man, I seriously needed every second of everything he did for me. It meant so much to me that he would take that time and just take care of me. Make sure I felt loved. It was exactly the therapy I needed. Besides the fact that he kept telling me how beautiful I was, even though I was in sweatpants with my makeup pretty much gone and hair all skuh-wonky.

So now I sit here writing this with tears of gratitude and love streaming down my face. Yeah, dumb, I know. I blame it on pregnancy hormones. But in all seriousness, I have no idea what I ever did to deserve having Scott in my life. I could not have asked for a better, more loving or kind hearted best friend, lover, partner, husband, father, and eternal companion. I am in awe of how incredibly blessed I have been. I really do have a wonderful life. I absolutely adore my husband. I can't even describe the love I have for him. He makes me so incredibly happy every single day. Despite our differences and the few arguments we may have, we always overcome them and come out better. I could go on forever saying how sweet, tender, kind, loving, wonderful, happy, fun, awesome, etc Scott is. I am so happy and feel so blessed to have him as the father of our children. I am so excited to see him become a daddy and to see the love he has for his children. I know he already adores our little son, and he hasn't even been born yet! He told me this morning to speed up time because he wants to see and hold and love our baby.

Man, I have been blessed.

I think someone upstairs is looking over me and watching out for me. He knows what I need in my life. He knows that I need Scott. He knows that we are absolutely, 100%, undeniably perfect for one another. My heart aches for those I know who are not so lucky and blessed as I am. Like I said before, I don't know what I ever did to deserve such an amazing husband, wonderful marriage and happy life.

I guess it's time for me to be more grateful to the Lord for the body He has blessed me with. For the wonderful ability and opportunity I have to carry a child and not be burdened by so many physical ailments so many others experience. I guess I need to remember that this phase in life "shall be but a small moment." And that "after much tribulation (including emotional trials) come the blessings. The hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand." (D&C 58:4)

I love my Heavenly Father. I love my husband. I love my family. I love my life.

I have been blessed.