thoughts on motherhood

Tonight I was thinking. Scary. I know.

I gave up alot to be a mom. My dream for years has been to teach Kindergarten in my own classroom. Well, I did that. But not for very long. Only a few months. I loved it. Best. Job. Ever. And I miss it. Like crazy. I have had many moments where I would do anything to be back in the classroom with my own little group of crazy, wild, nearly out of control, 5 year olds.

Then something changed.

I had my baby.

My life has never been the same. Nor will it ever be the same. Do I miss my job as a teacher? Absolutely. Would I give up being a mom to have that back? Never. You couldn't pay me enough.

It's the little moments in motherhood that make everything worth it. It's those precious times in the middle of the night that make my heart swell with love and gratitude for the wonderful blessing I have to care for one of God's beloved children.

Every explosive poopy diaper, episode of spit up on newly washed jeans, crying alarm clock at 3 am, nights of no sleep, days with no nap, stinky hands, and bumpy face is worth it.

Because at the end of the day I get to rock my baby to sleep, hold him in my arms, and thank God for the beautiful miracle of joy He blessed me with. And for the privilege I have of being a stay at home mom.

Mornings like this aren't too bad either...

I adore my sleepy boys.

Afternoons like this are pretty awesome too. They had a whole conversation together.

It ended in smiles.

There is nothing I love more than being a stay at home mom (except my hubby). It is the best full time job anyone could ever ask for! I would never, ever, give it up to be back in my Kindergarten classroom. Now I just thank the Lord that He gave me the time I had so I could accomplish my dream.

dancin' the night away

Last night we went out dancing. But before we left we had to take care of some things....

First, a cute family picture. I realized yesterday that we only have about three of these. I'm not sure how that happened... We also don't have any family pictures when he was a newborn...except the day we left the hospital. So sad.

Next, we had to give the babe a bath. He loved it. He splashed and gurgled and was very happy. When he exited the delicious pool of warmth, he was only this happy because Scott was there.

Also, he looks a little like he swallowed a watermelon. Sideways.

Finally, we arrived at the dance!

The babe was sleepy, so we let him sleep and we tore it up on the floor. Unfortunately, the music was less than stellar. In fact, it was quite dreadful.

Despite this, we still danced and had a blast! After about 2 minutes we realized we aren't as good as we once were...neither of us could remember much, and we couldn't move as gracefully either. (remember, I did have a baby 7 weeks ago...) Also despite those things other people thought we were quite spectacular.

In fact, we even had a paparazzi. She kept snapping pictures of us. Even when I was sitting down talking to some friends she kept taking my picture. Slightly weird.

After a bit we decided we wanted to play and dance with our babe. So the man got him out of the car seat. He was burning hot and sweaty (it was a little warm and he had some layers on). When the baby exited the seat, he looked like this...

Out cold. Conked. Crashed. Asleep. You choose which adjective you like best.

He did not wake up.

So we danced and took some pictures.

The boys. With their boys.

Note: babe is still asleep.

This was after Scott had danced with him for a minute. Also after he was removed from seat.

Do you suppose he might've been a little tired??

And of course, he had to dance with momma. We shared a delightful almost deacon shuffle to "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing." It was lovely.

He did not wake up.

(my apologizes for my shiny, sweaty face)

The babe continued to sleep so we let him snuggle with some friends while we danced some more. Sadly we have no photographic proof that the three of us did indeed share a slow dance together. Also, we did not put him in the Bjorn as planned.

We did however have an absolutey amazingly fun and awesome time! We came home sweaty, tired and with sore feet. It was a delightful night.

And in case you were wondering, the babe didn't wake up until just at the end when the DJ turned up the music super loud for no known reason. That was our cue to leave. So we did.

Just. Stuff.

I decided my blog needed an update. I've had Halloween in my background since, well, Halloween. And considering it is now basically March...well, you get the idea.

Plus I was inspired by a very inspiring woman. Whose inspiration will be known to all one day.

In other news, my babe is so funny! Yesterday he was seriously a ravenously hungry bottomless pit. I felt like he ate so much! Then last night, he slept. It was glorious.

Today I have been very unproductive. My kitchen is a mess. The laundry is still dirty. My baby's room is a disaster. Our room is nearly uninhabitable. But, I have a very cute new looking blog, and I've fed and taken care of our baby. Oh, and I got to shower today.

My latest obsession? Macadamia nut clusters with salted caramel. From Costco. SO delicious. SO fatty. SO worth it. :-)

Tonight I think we're going to a church Winter Ball. We plan on taking the little guy and strapping him to the hubby in his Bjorn. We haven't danced in forever. I can't wait! Hopefully all will work out...

Growth spurt?

How can I possibly take a nap with this angel sleeping next to me? I just wanted to look at him and take pictures. So I did.

He loves playing with daddy. :-)

So I'm wondering if my dear baby is experiencing a growth spurt. He's been eating like crazy and after only 2 1/2-3 hours he's a ravenously hungry baby (worse than a ravenous wolf). For awhile he's been sleeping alot at night. Usually 6-7 hours between the first two feedings, then 4 hours, then 3 (that's start of one feeding to start of the next). But the past couple nights he's gone only 3 hours (or less) between the first two feedings. He also has been sleeping only about 45-60 minutes in the day and wanting to eat every time he wakes up. And he's more fussy than usual. He's a super happy baby who really doesn't cry, but he's been cranky today and a little yesterday. Which is abnormal.

So I'm thinking, growth spurt? I was reading about it and I guess the symptoms are pretty in line with how I think he's been acting. Also, last night I was totally freaked because I felt like he'd been eating so much and my milk supply for some reason had totally dropped. But apparently that is a common misconception for moms with babies who are in growth spurts. Also, he is almost 7 weeks, so that's about the right timing too.

Anyway, we'll see what happens over the next couple days. He does seem to suddenly be HUGE to me. And suddenly his clothes are not fitting. Even one onsie I had him in just the other day seemed too small this morning. Weird.

As for me, ugh. I just want to exercise. I am so frustrated with my body. Whenever I try to do a work out (10 min ab video 2 days in a row, 25 min cardio video (dumb), walking the mall), I start feeling crappy again. It's driving me crazy. I am so tired of not being active and so tired of feeling gushyness. I know and understand I won't loose all the fat and won't be how I want to for awhile, but I want to at least try and start toning things up! I guess my body has other plans... UGH!!!!

blake

Last night Blake did the cutest thing...

We put him in his swing and turned on the mobile with animals hanging from it. As soon as it started to move, he looked right up at it and started following the animals with his eyes and turning his head too! It was soooo cute! And cool and awesome. He watched them for awhile until they stopped and he fell asleep.

I can't believe how much more interactive he is these days! He is SO smiley and so happy all the time. Scott and I have had so much fun playing with him, smiling at him, hearing him try to giggle, and watching him kick and move. He is so dang cute and he is growing so fast! He is almost completely out of all his newborn clothes. They're too short to snap at the bottom. The 3 month stuff is snug at the bottom snaps, but loose around his belly. I guess his torso is growing long.

We just love our little guy!

Again on Sleep

So after I wrote that post about nap time troubles I realized some things with the help of my mom and my husband, also myself.

1. I need to stop reading sleep books.

2. I need to relax, chill out, and just enjoy being with Blake!

3. I need to not worry so much about him sleeping and worry more about playing with him and giving him the developmental stimulation he needs! (I haven't really been playing with him much since I've been so concerned with him taking long naps.)

4. Blake sleeps amazing at night. With the exception of every once in awhile having an off night, he usually goes 6-7 hours after the last feeding before the next. Then he'll go 3-4 after the second feeding. And then another 2-3 or so until we're up for the day. If he's sleeping so well at night, should I be complaining about naps? No!!!

5. When Blake is awake during the day, he's happy! He's not crying or fussy unless he needs food or until he gets super tired. So if he's happy, why should I wrap him up and put him to bed?

6. A good friend and I were talking and concluded that it's really frustrating for both mom and baby when mom tries to put baby to sleep when he's not tired. He gets mad cuz he doesn't want to be wrapped up and sleeping and mom gets mad because he's not sleeping. When in all reality, he's not tired yet!

7. People who write the sleep books have different children than I do. They also write the books based on opinion. I should come to my own conclusions and findings based on my knowledge of my own baby.

8. I'm going to start recording when he's asleep during the day and night just to get an idea of how he works his schedule. He's really the one in charge for now.

9. It's better for him to be able to nap anywhere than just his crib. If he ONLY sleeps in his crib for naps, then I can't get anything done or go anywhere. So it's actually a good thing he'll sleep anywhere. Also, if he's sleeping fine there at night, is there really a problem? No. And he usually only likes sleeping in his crib when it's dark.

Anyway, those are my findings. I love playing with him. I haven't been playing with him enough and I feel terrible. He is such a happy sweet baby, I absolutely love him! Here's to looking forward to a much more relaxed week!!

Nap time sleep problems. Help!

I feel so conflicted.

I've read several baby sleep method books and done research and all that about getting babies to sleep. Our biggest problem is naptime. Blake spends about 40-50 minutes eating, then I have to burp him, then change his diaper, and swaddle him up for a nap. The whole process takes between an hour and a little more. Then when I lay him in his crib he kicks and plays and wiggles like crazy. I take him out, rock him, give him a binky and he gets totally drowsy. Then when I lay him down he wakes right up. If I leave him he can usually try to work things out for a few minutes, but then after 5-20 minutes he starts crying and screaming. We try to soothe him with a binky, rocking him, patting his back, etc. He gets drowsy, then wakes up and the whole process repeats. This goes on for awhile until he finally falls asleep. By the time he crashes he's been awake for around 2+ hours. Then he sleeps 40-60 minutes before waking up again. Sometimes he can fall asleep, most of the time he can't. But he doesn't seem really hungry, just still tired.

I don't know what to do! I know nap time is SO important during the day and it helps them sleep better at night. Yesterday he had a 2 hour morning nap in his car seat (after finally falling asleep on his own in the crib, and I had to move him 10 minutes later). Then I fed him and did the whole swaddle and try to get to sleep routine. Once again, after 2 hours of being awake, I finally resorted to putting him in the swing to sleep. He slept there for maybe an hour and then woke up to eat. Scott fed him a bottle so I could nap, then he was awake for 2 hours again before we tried to put him in the crib. Once again he kicked and played and didn't fall asleep. So Scott put him in the car seat and we ran some errands. He slept for almost an hour. Then he ate again. Then I did the whole swaddle routine. After he'd been up for 2 hours again, he finally fell asleep in his crib and slept for 5 1/2 hours. I fed him, he was up for 2 hours (shoot me) and then he slept for another 4 hours.

I feel like he gets so tired being up for 2 hours that he can't take a good nap. And obviously he can't take a good nap because he is only sleeping for 45 minutes. I don't know how to get him to nap longer. I don't know if it's because we've moved him into the crib to sleep. Or if he's so used to being rocked, swinged, or vibrated to sleep. Or if he's relying too much on the binky. Or if he is so over tired that he can't sleep well.

Is it okay or normal for him to be awake for 2 hours and then only take an hour nap? I feel like he needs more sleep than that in a day! That's only 3-4 hours of day time sleep with 9-10 hours of night time sleep. Is that bad? Good? Okay? I don't know. :-/

HELP!!!!

Baby sleep

It's funny because so often I think of something to write about here but then when I actually get a second to sit down and write, I can't think of it!

The past two days have been good learning experiences for me. Blake has had a weird schedule this week. He seems to be hungry every 2 hours, which seems abnormal since he usually eats every 3-4 during the day. He also hasn't been napping very good, but I think part of that is my fault. I said I was doing the Babywise method, but I haven't been good at it the past week. I've been feeding him and then playing with him and then he falls asleep for about 45 minutes, and when he wakes up crying I think he's hungry so I feed him again. Really I think when he wakes up, he doesn't mean to and he really just wants to get back to sleep. On Monday I think he slept around 1 1/2 hours the whole day! That's not much. Tuesday he slept a little more, and yesterday only a couple.

I started reading this other sleep book from a friend. It's called Sleep Sense. I've only made it a little way through, but I realized I haven't been putting him down for naps in consistent places. Sometimes it's in the bouncy chair, sometimes the swing and sometimes the car seat. The book said that the crib should be the only place they sleep (there are always exceptions though), and that naps and bed time should both be in the crib. Also it talked about "cry it out." Their view is kind of cry it out, kind of not. Basically he starts crying and I check to make sure everything is okay, pat him on the back or cheek and calm him down then walk out again. So far he hasn't cried or fussed more than 5 minutes before falling asleep. The book is a big advocate of letting babies fall asleep on their own. I haven't been very good at that. But Blake doesn't seem to be struggling too much.

So last night he ate around 6 pm. We laid him in the crib for a nap. He slept around 45 minutes and Scott got him up. He wasn't hungry but he was a little fussy. We got him calmed down and eventually we put him back in the crib, not swaddled, to see what would happen. He laid there and kicked and wiggled and cooed for over an hour!! I'm quite sure he was very tired because he hadn't slept much that day. Finally around 10 pm he started fussing and acting hungry. I fed him, swaddled him up and laid him down. He maybe fussed for 1 minute and then he conked out and slept until 5:15 am. Poor guy was exhausted!!

So today I have followed more of a pattern. He eats, I burp him and play with him for just a minute, and then swaddle him and put him in his crib. The first time he fussed and cried a little bit, but nothing I couldn't calm down. Then he fell asleep. 45 minutes later he was crying and awake. I let him whine and work things out. After about 5 minutes he was out again for a little over an hour. Then he woke up, ate, burped, played for a couple minutes and I put him down again. This time he fussed even less, worked things out and is sound asleep. The only problem is I have a doc appointment today which will mess things up. Oh well.

I think babies need to have good naps in the day to be able to sleep better at night. I have been misreading his crying and feeding him instead of letting him sleep. He can't fall asleep without being swaddled either. He doesn't like it that much, but without it he will stay awake forever just kicking and moving until he starts crying again, so he likes it a little I guess. We'll see what happens tonight with his sleep. It'll be interesting to see.

And I'm horrible at posting pictures! It's because it takes forever and it seems like such a hassle. I can upload them but only 5 at a time and then I can't rearrange them in Chrome, so I have to open Explorer and it just takes forever. How does everyone else do it and have it look so good?

p.s. This warm weather is ridiculous! Almost 75 yesterday, around 70 today, sunny, etc. It's crazy and feels awesome!

bragging moment. and pics!

click on the slideshow to get to the web album to watch the two videos at the end.

I need a bragging mom moment...

Last night Blake slept 12 hours from the start of one feeding to the start of another with only one feeding in between! That meant that I got a chunk of 4 1/2 hours of sleep, and then another chunk of 3 1/2 hours. It was fantastic!!!

Now, this is the first time he's gone that long. He was on a great 6/4 hour schedule, but having family in town for the weekend messed it up. He had a little too much fun (and so did we). So hopefully now we'll be on a better schedule. Who knows. I do think that letting him get hungry enough to the point of screaming, then giving him a lavender bath, then feeding him and putting him to bed actually works a little. But I could be completely wrong.

Anyways, I'm just so grateful to have such a good baby! At first I thought he was kind of hard, but then I realize he is actually a very good baby. He's not colicky, he sleeps really well, eats really well and usually cries just when he needs something. He's super happy and content to be swinging in the swing and sometimes he can last awhile sitting in his bouncy chair. He does spit up quite often, but it's not large amounts and it's not horribly bad. So I think he's pretty awesome.

As for me, I thought it was a fantastic idea to put Blake in the Bjorn and work out at home. I did some lunges, squats, calf raises, free weights with my arms, abs, and bum. It felt amazing! I was really sore the next day in my quads, and I realized I may have over done it a little, but I don't regret it! I just can't wait til I can work out like that all the time and be just fine.

Oh, and I decided that I needed a pair of jeans that actually fit me. I am so tired of wearing my maternity jeans! And my other pre-prego jeans are still too small (I put on a little extra love in my butt, hips and thighs...christmas treats.) And one of my maternity jeans has ripped in the butt 3 times, so I decided they were done for, and got myself a new pair. It feels great to have something that fits and makes me feel like a real person! I just got to focus lots on my abs and eat much better (ugh, sweet tooth), then I'll be good. And hopefully this lovely warm weather will last so I can walk outside!!!

life is grand!

1. I love my baby!!!!!!! Ah it's so fun being a mom.

2. He's going bald. All that beautiful dark hair is falling out! So sad. But I know it'll grow back and I'm positive he is gonna be blonde, which will be adorable.

3. His eyes are dark blue and gorgeous! Hopefully they don't change except for getting lighter. I love blue eyes :-)

4. I love when he falls asleep on his own. It makes me happy.

5. I can't believe how interactive and fun he is.

6. Each day I feel a little more like myself and not so consumed with figuring out how to be a mom.

7. I started doing a post-natal ab workout. It's so simple and only 10 minutes long. But seriously, it is so hard and it hurts! Amazing what happens when you have a baby.

8. I love my hubby more than anything. He is amazing.

9. I can't wait for Valentine's Day. I'm planning a super awesome dinner that will be a surprise for Scott (I hope).

10. Today is one of those "this feels like a really great day!" days. YAY!!!!

11. Funny how sometimes something is so good and makes me so happy I cry a little... :-)

One Month

Blake is one month old today. I cannot believe it!!!! So far he's doing some of these things:

-eating like crazy!

-going 6 hours between feedings after the last feeding of the night (around 9 pm) (at least he did this for a week straight so far)

-he is super interactive and very active!

-he smiles all the time

-he coos and gurgles and makes cute noises

-he has this dolphin chirp noise he makes after eating when he is stretching. so. cute.

-he's grown quite a bit! but without a scale I don't know how much...

-he is super happy and fun. He doesn't really cry much unless he needs something: food, diaper change, burp, gas, cuddle time.

-he has started grabbing my hair and necklaces. Intentional? I'm not sure.

-he is almost out of newborn size diapers (He's got a pot belly, but his hips and butt are so little!)

-his favorite place to sleep is cuddled with mom or dad. He prefers his bouncy chair over his crib, and he does great in a car seat...once he has a binky.

-he loves being in a bath, but not getting out, especially if he's hungry

-he loves having his hands by his face. I let it slide while nursing but not when sleeping...we swaddle him up tight.

-he snores.

Yesterday in church Scott gave him a name and a blessing. It was the most special sacrament meeting I've ever been to! It was such an incredible experience. As soon as Scott started talking, I felt the spirit so strong I just started crying. It was a beautiful blessing and Blake slept the whole time! It was just such an amazing experience to have my dear husband bless our first born child. There is nothing like that feeling. It really made things more real for me. I felt like we were really our own little special family. And it was awesome because Scott bore his testimony afterward. I haven't heard him publicly do so since we've been married (over 2 years) so it was really special to have him share that.

I love being a mom!

And I decided after a month of eating and doing what I want, I want to start being better. I need to start getting this baby fat off. I plan on eating healthier snacks, smaller portions and less sugar. Also drinking more water. I hope to do some light exercising (light free weights, some stretching and light ab work) when I get time between Blake's naps. Also I hope to go on more walks. I'm still not ready for anything to big or exciting, but I feel like I can start easing in. And doing something light is better than nothing at all! We've had quite the challenge with food this past month from all the visitors and company we've had. It's hard to resist making delicious desserts and eating lots of food when it's good food.

aw weather.

Sometimes they get it right, sometimes they get it wrong.

Weather men that is.

This time, they got it mostly wrong.

Every weather station and news station was predicting this HUGE, dangerous, destructive winter storm to hit us this week. We're talking an inch of ice, a foot of snow, power outages, impassable roads, etc. People freaked and cleared the shelves in local grocery stores. They called in the National Guard to help. They recruited extra electric company teams from other states to help. They declared MO in a state of emergency, before anything happened.

Guess what? We got a dusting of ice. Maybe 4-5 inches of snow.

At least towns up north and west of us got something. They did get about 8-12 inches of snow, and roads were bad. But here in the metro area, yeah, not alot happening.

Thank you weather guys. I am glad we could participate in the biggest blizzard of St. Louis since 1982. Wahoo!