Thoughts at 32 weeks

Here's a couple pictures at 31 weeks and 5 days.

I was trying to get my whole face in. Hard when it's a self portrait. :-)

The normal side view.

And I must include on of the bare belly. No stretch marks yet! And barely a tiny pregnancy line.

So I'm really almost 32 weeks. And it's easier to say the baby is coming in 8 weeks than that I'm 31 and a half weeks. Anyway...

I really want to make sure I have a good record of this pregnancy since it's my first, so I thought it was time to write more of my thoughts, feelings, trials and blessings these past few weeks. This will probably be another long post, but it's another one for me.

I've felt really good this week. Some weeks are really hard, some days suck, some days are absolutely wonderful, and some weeks are just eh. This week has been good. Remember that phase I went through awhile back feeling so huge, ugly, dysfunctional, unattractive, burdened, and just bad? Things have gotten better. Maybe it's because I prayed alot. Maybe it's because I have a great husband. Maybe it's because I have a great family. Maybe it's because I have a great friend who is just barely farther along than me. Maybe it's because I needed my heart softened. Maybe it's because I'm now big enough that I REALLY look pregnant and people talk to me all the time. I don't know what the reason is, but I'm glad I'm over that hill.

The past couple weeks have been really fun pregnant weeks. Yes, I'm getting bigger. No, it's not that fun to be so big. But, I have learned that it's better to look in the mirror, rub my belly and say "aww what a cute baby belly and baby inside!" than to think negatively. I've also realized that I feel much better about myself when I make the effort to dress cute and TRY to look good. Even if I'm not going anywhere. Then I don't feel so frumpy. Scott made a comment a few days ago. He said "maybe you should change clothes before we go..." (why?) "because I don't want you to be a frumpy pregnant girl." I didn't think it was rude at all. He said it in a very loving tone. And it made me realize I don't want to be that frumpy pregnant girl either!!!! It never hurt anyone to wear jeans, a cute shirt and some fun jewelry vs sweats. It also never hurt anyone to dress up a little more dressy than you're used to. It also helps that my prego friend has the CUTEST clothes and always looks awesome when we go play so it gives me motivation to look really cute. And guess what? I feel better about myself!!!!

I have absolutely loved the past couple weeks of baby movement too. I can tell things are getting pretty crowded in there, and I can feel more stretching/rolling actions than jabbing. It's very fun. Plus, I can often tell when he's poking his bum or foot out. I can also tell he's head down now because of the different motions he does. It is so awesome. I really love feeling him wiggle and move inside. I still have yet to experience painful rib kicking. Though, I know his feet are up there and he kicks...just not quite in my rib. I have had the wonderful opportunity to feel a lovely burning sensation in my rib. It feels like someone set my rib ligaments on fire. Or that I got a terrible sunburn on the inside and the sun is blazing down on it. Then oftentimes that pain radiates to my back and my back hurts bad in one spot. I'm going to talk with my chiropractor today and see if there's something she can do to help. It's been very painful and annoying this week. But definitely manageable. I think he may like lodging his foot up there and not kicking, but just pushing on my rib. I'm not sure.

Everything is suddenly getting so real. We have everything we need to bring a baby home at anytime now. The room is completely set up (minus some pictures on the walls), we have a car seat, we got lots of clothes, we have towels for baths, wipes, and tons of blankets. The only thing we need is newborn diapers. But if he came home this week, we would be ready. It's amazing to walk in his room and imagine a little baby filling up all the things we have. I'm so excited. Scott is so excited. I really just can't wait to have him here and take care of him. Don't get me wrong though, I'm definitely nervous too! It's a huge responsibility to take care of a baby. And I'm not really sure what to fully expect. I'm so glad my mom will be here so when we bring him home the first day I'm not totally clueless.

Sometimes being this pregnant and being so close to having a baby is euphoric. I get little bursts of happiness and excitement all the time. I'm nervous for the actual delivery though. I've definitely decided to go 100% natural and use the Bradley Method as a guide and a help. We have some friends in our ward that used the Bradley Method and they talked to us about their whole experience. I am nervous, excited, anxious, terrified, confident. Scott is SO supportive of my decision and he is going to be the best coach. I know he will take such good care of me and he will be so supportive while I'm in labor. I'm doing my best to prepare for it, especially mentally, because I want to be strong and not have to give in to meds. My friend told me someone told her "You would never run a marathon without training and preparing first. It's the same way with natural childbirth." I think it's really true and I think that's great advice. Plus, I'm so stubborn and strong-willed that when people tell me I can't do something I typically say "Oh yeah? Watch me."

So, to wrap up, I'm very excited for this little guy to come into our lives. I cannot believe I'm nearly 32 weeks. In just 4 weeks I'll be full term and he could come anytime after that. I keep praying he will come early for me and for Scott. I have faith that the Lord will bless us and things will happen as they're supposed to. But, that doesn't mean that I pray almost every night for the baby to be early. :-) 8 weeks doesn't seem like very far away!! Especially with Thanksgiving and Christmas just around the corner.

I feel like I have been very blessed this pregnancy. I am so grateful I haven't been sick and feeling miserable. I couldn't do it. My mom and Scott both pointed out that my body was made to be pregnant. I can't help but agree with them. I think it's a huge blessing because I'm so motherly, I love children, I love serving and I love "playing house." So it just seems right that my body would be made to have babies. Life is good. I'm happy.