A night in my kitchen

I've always wondered how people like Pioneer Woman, Barefoot Contessa and Rachael Ray create recipes and become famous. Do they just think up ideas in their head? Do they find recipes written by other people then modify and call them their own? Did they attend culinary school? Or do they just have an amazing knack and talent for mixing spices and ingredients?

I decided last night that they make things up in their head. And I wanted to be like them, so I made something up in my head:

BBQ Chicken Burgers with Bacon and Guacamole.

mmmm.

I would share this delicious recipe with you all, except there's just one problem:

It didn't turn out like I expected it to in my head.

So instead, I will take you through a 3-step process of a night in my kitchen and share with you my amazing guacamole recipe, which I made up in my head, and which works. (please be impressed with my picture taking skills.) Here we go...

Step 1: Guacamole:

Here's what you need. Minus garlic salt and chili powder.

First, cut the avocados in half. I can never remember how to spell avocado. Avacado. Avacodo. Avocado.

Next, if you don't know how to de-seed them, try this:

Yell "Hi-YA!" and karate chop that seed with your knife like pictured. 

Twist slightly and the seed should come free. If it doesn't, you have real problems.

Just kidding. 

Scoop it out or something.

Next, score the avocado like a giant tic-tac-toe board. 

Then squeeze it all out into the bowl.

This is not a bowl.

It's a tupperware container. (Glad to be specific) I like to be simple sometimes.

Then you mix all the other ingredients in with a fork. Be gentle. Avocados don't do so well when they're smashed to smithereens. It's much better to have some chunks.

Trust me.

For the salsa, I used black bean and corn from Costco. Pace Picante sauce is also yum.

 Enjoy with your favorite chips!!

Step 2: The "BBQ Chicken":

For this step, I missed out on alot of pictures. But here is one very important one.

Please don't ever, EVER, make your chicken look like this:

 Yes, I managed to cook the outside while the middle was still frozen. 

My microwave has mad skillz.

Please be normal and better than me and let your chicken thaw in the fridge, or on the counter, or under water. Microwave thawing is not recommended. 

Here is what try 2 looked like on the grill:

I would want you to have the recipe for this chicken, but it didn't taste like I had planned it to.

It was good nonetheless, but not what I expected. I was searching for a delicious sweet, smoky, bbq flavor combined with the salty guacamole, buuuut sometimes glazes change flavors when grilled.

This was one of those times.

Step 3: Assembly:

For this step you will need some additional ingredients. Things like: onion, sliced tomatoes, lettuce, maple bacon (very important), and toasted hard rolls from Wal-mart.

Why is it that I find the best hard rolls at Wal-mart?

And let me stress the importance of maple bacon:

VERY IMPORTANT!!!

It's sweet and delicious and fills your house (or apartment in my case) with a delicious maple aroma that causes your saliva, salivatory, salvitory... drool glands to overproduce.

Plus, it tastes amazing on this sandwich.

Okay, so toast the sliced-in-half hard rolls at 400 degrees for 2 minutes. (or pop them in the toaster to keep things simple, which I didn't.) 

Smear the bottom roll with guac. And layer:

bacon

chicken

lettuce

tomato

onion

(or however you want to layer, I don't really care)

Then try to open your mouth big enough to take a delicious bite and get food all over your face, hands, and the table. 

YUM!

Oh, and isn't he the cutest?  

Here are the recipes!

(and I'm giving you the chicken one because I'm nice. and maybe you might like it and think I have talent. maybe not.)

Guacamole

3 smallish avocados

1 teas. minced garlic

1 1/2 TBL lime juice

1/2 c. salsa

1/8 teas. garlic salt (optional)

1/8 teas. chili powder (optional)

Half and score avocados. Squeeze chunks into bowl. Add all other ingredients and mix gently with a fork.

Chicken (not really) BBQ style

1 chicken breast half (boneless, skinless)

1 TBL bbq sauce

1 teas. apple cider vinegar

1/2 teas. worchestershire sauce

1/2 teas. minced garlic

1/2 teas. sugar

1/4 teas. salt

1/8 teas. pepper

a few drops of mesquite liquid smoke

Mix in a small bowl. Brush on the chicken while grilling. This turns out more salty than sweet. It's still good, just not what I was expecting. Like I said, sometimes things change flavors when you cook them.

And that, my friends, was a night in my kitchen this week!