I am most definitely not Dr. Mom...yet.

Remember that one week I had not very long ago?
The week that my baby threw up 4 times, wouldn't eat anything, wouldn't drink much, and slept like crazy?
Remember how I was so. ridiculously. worried.
But not too worried because he had no fever.

I did not blog about that week.
So of course you don't remember it.
But now I'm telling you about it.
It was. not. fun.

But guess what?
Something happened during that week.
Actually, a few things.

1. 4 new teeth.
yes, you read that right. 4. cuatro. quatre. whatever. 4. Which brings his teeth total to 6 now.
2. a new found ability to army crawl. Then shortly there after real-crawl.
3. a new found ability to pull himself up. on. everything.
4. a sudden shrinkage of all current 3-6 month clothing.

Should I have been worried?
Apparently not.

The bear woke up from his hibernation.
He is now a movin', groovin', chatty, teethy, bottomless pit.

And now, because I am an amazing, busy, poor-college-student-wife-mom, who does not own a ritzy camera, nor keeps a camera attached to her hip at all time (perhaps due to forgetfulness or neglect) here are some ridiculously high quality phone camera pictures. I hope you can read my sarcasm. 

At least there are pictures.

Let's catch up on the last couple months, shall we?
Ready, Go!

 Uh, this was over 2 months ago. Playing with his buddy.

Oh dear. I really do let him get that messy.

 I have no words.

He is much more capable of sitting, crawling, splashing, and swimming in the tub now.

My leg stays outside of the water now.

We put this toy away.

Wonder why...

He really was not this happy.

I swear.

He got extremely mad the second this picture was over.

First time at a restaurant.

Sitting in a high chair.

...at the restaurant...

I'm quite partial to his cuteness.

Don't be fooled.

He was not afraid.

He was actually quite thrilled.

How did he suddenly grow up and look so old?

Smoothies?

Yes, please!!

Enjoying his drink a little too much.

The beginnings of crawling.

Uh, how did this get here?

That's a story for another time.

Oy.

His favorite lovey. 

He really can't sleep without it.

The beginnings of pulling himself up.

"Go Cougs! Beat them Utes!'

...or not...

How drunk was the person who crashed into that?

I was most definitely not driving when I took this...

He found his reflection in the dishwasher.

Good thing he hasn't found the dishes yet.

"What's the big deal, mom?..."

Oh his bare bum is so cute!

don't mind the blurriness... 

This may traumatize him one day, but I think it's utterly fantastic!

He's growing too fast. 

You are now free to move on with your life and attend to other more important obligations.

The End. 

Inspiration

Sometimes when I feel like I've hit a rock wall and can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the Lord reminds me that He is in control, and that He hasn't forgotten me.

Tonight I heard one of the most incredible and inspiring talks I've heard in a long time. It was at the Relief Society General Broadcast. If you don't know what I'm talking about, jump on over here  or here and you can check it out. Basically, it's a night that women in our church come together to be inspired by some of our leaders.

Tonight did not disappoint.

Elder Uchtdorf gave an amazing talk about forget-me-not flowers. He outlined 5 things we should remember as women, 5 things for the 5 petals of the flower.

1. Forget not to be patient with yourself. God is aware that you are not perfect, and also that those you think are perfect are not perfect. Be grateful for small successes.

2. Forget not the difference of a good sacrifice and a poor sacrifice. Am I committing my time and energy to the things that matter most?

3. Forget not to be happy now. Enjoy the simplicity of the candy bar and stop searching for the golden ticket (willy wonka). Don't put happiness on hold to wait for something to appear in the future. Enjoy the blessings you have now. Discover and treasure the beauty of everyday moments.

4. Forget not the "why" of the gospel. Don't focus on the to-do list. The eternal fire of the gospel is the "why."

5. Forget not that the Lord loves you. God has not forgotten you. In your deepest, darkest moments, the Lord loves you and has not forgotten you. You are known and remembered by the most majestic being of the universe. 

Pretty amazing. I can't wait for the talk to be printed and posed so I can have it and read it over and over. I think every woman who was listening felt like that talk was for them. I know it was for me. I know I needed it right not. Especially being happy now and remembering that God loves me and has not forgotten me. 

It also helped that I have some really amazing friends. I have felt so loved, remembered, valued, and cared about here by my friends. I feel like I can talk to other women and they know what I'm going through and have had similar experiences. I feel like I'm not alone. It's really amazing. And I'm very grateful. 

And of course it helps to have an amazing husband and the most adorable baby. Who has discovered how to pull himself up to standing in his crib, has discovered our dvd tower and how it can be pulled down, and who has discovered how to crawl. Everywhere. And follow me around. It's so cute. 

Anyone wanna help me out?

This is not exaggerated at all. This is really what's happened in the past 24 hours.

Wednesday night: about 5 hours of sleep.

Thursday
7:00 pm-put baby to sleep
8:30 pm- take 750 mg of Gaba
10:15 pm- get in bed
10:40 pm- mister man joins me in bed, baby whines a little
me: toss, turn, toss turn
11:43 pm- "why am I still awake? if bubs cries, will you get him?"
me: toss, turn, toss, turn
12:30 am- still awake
toss, turn, toss, turn
sometime around 1 or 1:30 am, I finally fell asleep.
4:30 am- baby starts whining, then crying, I wake up but stay in bed
5:10 am- get out of bed to calm baby, he screams harder (hungry), I don't feed him because I don't want him to get used to waking up at 5:00 am or earlier to eat.
5:11 am- re-enter my room and stub my toe on a book, keel over in pain, cry, get back in bed
toss, turn, toss, turn
finally doze off for about 20 minutes
6:00 am- mister man's alarm clock starts ringing
6:15 am - baby still crying, get up out of bed to fix a bottle
6:30 am- notice that my toe I stubbed was actually cut open and covered in dry blood.
feed the baby, send hubby off to school, put baby down for a morning nap
7:30-930 am - I nap.


I have serious sleep issues. I don't know how to solve it. A friend recommended taking Gaba, so I've taken it twice, but I almost feel like it makes it worse. But maybe I'm just getting anxious about something new in my body. I haven't slept longer than 6 hours straight in weeks. And that's not because my baby wakes up, it's because I lay in bed for 4 hours before I finally fall asleep.

Instead of being excited about getting into bed to sleep, I get really anxious, my heart rate goes up and I get nervous about how long it'll take me that night to fall asleep. And then I can't turn my mind off and fall asleep. It's awful. Especially now that Bubs has decided he has to wake up at 6:00 am as soon as dad gets up for school. And of course I wake up too, and want to be productive so I don't go back to bed.

Anyone have any tips, suggestions, good doctors I could talk to? I really don't want to take an anti-depressant for anxiety, I really don't want to take any heavy duty drug. I'm okay taking supplements and herbs, but I'm not very knowledgeable about what's out there. Also, I don't really have insurance so I don't know if I'd be able to pay for a sleep psychologist or naturopath doctor.

So, let me know if someone has any good ideas that'd help! thanks

Sometimes you just have to dance

If you're a dancer, you know what I'm talking about.
If you've ever been a dancer, you know what I'm talking about.
If you have a great respect for dancers, you know what I'm talking about.
If you know anything about dance and have an appreciation for it, you know what I'm talking about.
If you don't, maybe you'll get a glimmer of understanding in the next five minutes.

Sometimes, you just have to dance.

There's no other way or means of communication or expression that can articulate how you feel inside except by dancing.

Today that hit me.
About five minutes ago actually.
I was thinking about my day, my week, this past month, and everything that has happened.
In case you don't know me that well, it's been alot.
In case you do know me really well, it's been more than you could ever imagine.

And today while I laid in bed unable to take a nap, I realized it.

Sometimes I just have to dance.

There's no other way to express every feeling of joy, sorrow, hope, pain, disappointment, frustration, excitement, and love, at the same time, except to dance.

And then I realized it's been years since I actually danced. Really danced with my heart and soul. Danced what I felt, how I felt. Danced with my body in control instead of my mind. And I became afraid. Afraid that I had forgotten how. Afraid that I might look dumb. Afraid that my body wouldn't work. Afraid that my apartment was too small.

But sometimes, you just have to dance.
And it takes control of every other emotion or feeling.
And you wish you had access to an empty studio full of mirrors, dim light, and loud speakers.

But even if you don't, you still dance.
And you feel better.
And crave more.

Thank you, Missy Higgins, for letting me dance.

No matter what happens in my life, I will always have the heart of a dancer. And I can only hope that I will always continue to dance.

A huge Thank You!

I just wanted to express my love and thanks to each and every one of you who reads my blog!

I have had more people tell me randomly they read my posts in the past couple weeks than ever before! It's been so great. And thank you SO much for your amazing comments!!

I went back and checked this post for more comments, and there were a few new ones I hadn't read! Thank you so much for your encouraging words, for sharing your experiences, and for sharing your opinions. It really means so much to me. I love hearing that people enjoy what I write. Especially because I often write what I think and once I post it I feel a little exposed because I've shared things that are personal, controversial, or things I feel strongly about. I feel like I can show a side of me through writing that I cannot express well in tangible conversation. So thank you for validating me by expressing your thanks or your enjoyment for reading! It makes me so thrilled to find out who reads my ramblings.

I hope I can continue to write things that are inspirational, controversial, personal, intriguing, and real life! And I hope you will continue to read and enjoy.

For now, I should get back to cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, and taking full advantage of a rainy day with a sick and sleeping baby!

The Ultimate St. Louis Experience

Friday night we went on the (almost) Ultimate St. Louis Date Night!!!

First stop, Pappy's Smokehouse for some good ole' barbecue. 

I thought it was very delicious, however, my heart belongs at Oklahoma Joe's. 

I really haven't found better bbq sauce or fries anywhere.

Next stop: Cardinals vs. Braves!!

This is the view from where our tickets were:

Mister Man has loved Chipper Jones and the Braves for as long as he can remember.

But he'd never seen them play before.

Until Friday night.

Here's a super sonic zoom of Chipper himself:

We went to celebrate his birthday this month.

And because who knows when another opportunity like this would come around.

Plus, tickets were $10 each.

After the 3rd inning this was our new view, no zoom:

(see the guy in yellow in the center? He's standing in front of the Braves' dugout)

We lucked out because it had been rainy and cold all day. 

The stadium was pretty empty.

Especially the Braves' side.

So we sat about 20 rows back from the Braves' dugout.

Of course I had to get my favorite player:

Matt Holliday.

Here's Chipper again!

Around the 8th inning we moved even closer, about 5 rows back from the Braves' dugout.

This was the perfect photo opportunity.

Chipper and Matt together.
Our favorite players.

Can I get an "Awwww"?

And of course, our lovely faces!

Game highlights:
-a foul ball came flying toward us and landed literally right behind my seat!!! Sadly, it bounced far, far away. Mister Man thought it wasn't gonna be that close so he didn't try to catch it. Bummer!
-We were featured on the Kiss Cam!!!!! Too bad I didn't get a picture.
-We were so close I could see Holliday spitting sunflower seeds. And blowing bubbles with bubble gum.
-Doing the Braves tomahawk chop with a whole huge group of fans in our area. It was something Mister Man has always wanted to do!
-The bottom of the 9th inning...

So the 1st inning was pretty exciting with the Braves scoring 2 and Cards scoring 1. Then nothing happened until the bottom of the 9th. 

The Braves brought out Kimbrel to pitch and he got guys on 2nd and 3rd base. Then he threw 4 balls to the next guy. He got to walk. 

With the bases loaded out strutted Albert Pujols. 

*roar!!!* 

Of course the stadium exploded!!

On the 2nd or 3rd pitch, Pujols hit it hard and they scored 2, tying up the game (Braves had scored a point in one of the other innings). 

Again, explosion in the crowd and on to the 10th inning.

The Braves couldn't score and the Cards stepped up. 

Once again, 2nd and 3rd were loaded. The Braves let the next guy walk. 

Then out stepped Punto. He hit it hard, and the Cards scored 1 to win the game. 

It was most definitely the most exciting baseball game I've ever been to!

Especially because I couldn't decide who I liked better: 

Braves or Cards?

In the end I chose the Cardinals. 

And this cute guy.

I wish the colors were better and the image was sharper. 

But what can you expect from an old, old man snapping the picture?

I'm just glad he knew how to use the camera...

We had planned on ending our Ultimate St. Louis Date Night experience with the most incredible custard in the world:

source

But since the game went into a 10th inning, it was closed. 

Bummer.

Overall we had quite the amazing night!!

The End.

10 years ago today

Ten years ago today.

I was 13.

It was the most beautiful day I can ever remember. Not a cloud in sight. Deep blue sky. Light breeze. Perfect temperature, about 73 or so. Birds chirping. Cars passing. 

We ate breakfast and started pulling out our books to start school.

I was home schooled, by the way.

Just as we were getting started, the phone rang. It was dad. He had left only minutes before for work. He urgently told mom to turn on the tv.

The only thing I understood from their conversation was "a plane just crashed into a building?" Seriously? Nah, that doesn't happen.

Then I saw it.

I couldn't believe my eyes. 

We gathered around, watching, breathless. My mom cried. Alot.

"Girls, you are watching History being written right now."

I remember as we were watching the tower burning, we were listening to the reporter. I think it was Tom Brokav or Brian Williams. He was relaying information, trying to figure out what was happening.

Then the second plane hit.

We were numb with shock.

Then the first tower started collapsing.

We knew it before he did. We were watching it live.

My mom was yelling at him "it's collapsing! It's falling! The tower is falling!" Because he hadn't gotten the memo yet. 

We watched all day. Hours on end. We were in a complete state of shock. 

Then all flights were grounded. And the cars outside diminished. An eerie silence set in. Only the birds and the leaves made noise. 

Ten years later, I will never forget that day. It is burned bright in my mind. I will remember those brave men and women who gave up their lives to help others. I will remember those innocent people whose lives were lost. And I will remember and pray for their families, the military, and the armed service men and women who protect our country now. We will always remember.

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?

source

Body image and Self worth

Remember that time I wrote a post saying in the future I would write a post about body image, self worth, confidence, etc? Well, here it is....

I've spent the last couple months really soul searching. Mostly to find peace and understand who I really am, but also to come closer to God. 

A couple weeks ago I was reading a book called Christ and the New Covenant by Elder Jeffery R. Holland alongside with Ether 3 in the Book of Mormon and I had a very profound epiphany. 

Basically, The Brother of Jared was trying to figure out a way to bring light to the ships that they were to travel across the ocean in. So, he went to God with some stones and asked God that if He would touch the stones, they would glow and give light to the ships. So it happened. When the finger of God touched the stones, the Brother of Jared saw that they were like fingers of man and he fell to the ground with fear.  The chapter goes on to read that God conversed with the Brother of Jared and then, because of his astonishing faith, the Brother of Jared was able to see God's body in the flesh. Of course, he was amazed. God tells him that man's body is made after the image of Himself. He says: "see that ye are created after mine own image? All men were created in the beginning after my own image. This body is the body of my spirit and man have I created after the body of my spirit." 

When I read this, it really hit me hard that my body is created after God's body. In fact, all people have bodies that are created in the same manner that God's is!! 

If my body is created after the Lord's, why should I not be utterly thrilled and grateful for it? Why should I think it's not good enough? Why should I feel like I'm not pretty? Or that I'm not skinny enough? Why should I be so hard on myself because my body isn't perfect? I should be so incredibly grateful to have a body that is created after His own image!!

Not only is my body created after His image, but it was made to house my spirit. I should love my body and take care of it so that my spirit may be nurtured. I should treat my body like the temple that it is by eating things that are nutritious, by exercising, by sleeping, and by not putting harmful things into it. 

It's so disappointing that the media, entertainment, and Hollywood does not portray things as they are. Everything in the media screams to women to be skinny, to be a size 2 (or less), to have big boobs, to have perfect hair and makeup, to wear expensive clothing, and to not eat anything so you don't gain weight. 

source

Because of that, it is so easy to get bogged down and think you're not good enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough. It's easy and quick to start feeling depressed, negative, and obsessed with losing weight regardless of whether or not you need to.

But the media is only providing a false sense of reality and presenting an impossible goal. Most women are not a size 2. Most women do not naturally have a stick thin body with huge boobs. Most women do not have a team of hair and makeup artists following them everywhere to make them look perfect. Most women have curves. Most women have imperfect bodies. Most women are selfless enough to have kids who consume mass amounts of time and energy which in turn means they may not look perfectly presentable every second of every day.

So let us please go back to the scriptures and remember how amazed the Brother of Jared was to see that God's body was made in the same manner as man's. Let us remember how incredibly blessed we are to have such a wonderful gift from God: a body created after the manner of His. Let us remember what a blessing it is to have a body that is able to function properly. A body that can eat, sleep, run, walk, move, laugh, cry, talk, dance, and so much more. Let us rejoice in the beauty that is a body and feel confident in ourselves and love who we are because we are each a unique individual with many differences, but are all children of God!

Disclaimer: I am very guilty of falling into the trap of not loving my body, feeling negative and down because I am not thin enough, and being obsessed with my weight. I often have waves of feeling very confident and happy, and waves of feeling very discouraged and obsessive about being too big. I was not a skinny kid, but I didn't realize it until I was about 15. A year later I became so distraught that I wouldn't eat in front of a dance teacher for fear that they would tell me I shouldn't be eating because I was too big. Even when I was pregnant, I compared myself to everyone and felt like I was too big and wanted to loose weight so I could be skinnier. And after having my baby I still have the same issues. But as I have come closer to the Lord, I have started to become more confident and more happy with who I am. I am still not perfect, and I still have many times where I wish I was skinnier, but I am trying to focus more on being happy and healthy. So this post is just as much a reminder for me as for anyone else who may need it.

Picture Dump...and Utah!

I am so. utterly. lame.

And this is why: I failed to take more than 40 pictures in 9 days. On vacation.

And about 10 of those pictures were landscape or food. Not people.

I am lame.

But I cannot be wordy! I'm in a hurry this morning. I must blog, but I must pack up for my trip to KC.
So, in a picture dump, here was our lovely trip to Idaho and Utah!

Whenever we visit Twin Falls, we always visit a waterfall, and we always have to take a self portrait. Mister Man is smokin' hot. Me, well, I hadn't showered, no makeup, same outfit as the day before. Which day we had been travelling for about 12 hours. Ick. Aren't you glad I told ya?

 Nat-Soo-Pah. This is a hot mineral springs pool. I felt like I was at the pool featured in the movie "Sandlot"

The colors are not captured well. But the water was green, and everything else looked retro-vintage. Seriously, "Sandlot."

Bubs went down the water slide!

do not be fooled by their faces, they were going very, very slow.

My smokin' hott man, and my cute baby who has a mohawk the size of Texas.

I stared at this picture for about 10 minutes before I remembered why I took it. There is a lizard hiding somewhere between the rocks. If you can find it, I'll make you cookies. Maybe.

This is how he felt about being trapped in the stroller while we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over a fire.

Hiking to Ross Falls. 

But I have no picture of the falls.

Actually, I do. 

It's just not good enough to post.

Utah! Costa Vida! Happy me!

He obviously knows that my Costa Vida burritio is WAY better than his jarred sweet potatoes.

Uh, this was before the trip. 

He gets stuck there.

Alot.

Bath time.

Mister Man thinks it's really fun to hold Bubs up high in one hand.

Bubs likes it too.

So does everyone at the airport, Jason's Deli, and wherever else this occurs.

This picture does not do the trick justice. 

I will take a better one at another time.

Looking out the window on the plane.

Arriving in Salt Lake City!

yes, I know this is in the wrong order.

Please don't judge.

And disregard how awful I look.

Thank you.

We had a great trip.

My amazing sister in law took some real family pictures while we were in Idaho. 

When I get them, I'll post them.

Looking at this conglomeration of interesting and not incredible pictures makes me wish I had a professional photographer that could follow me around and capture our life. 

Also makes me wish I had a hair and makeup team that could fix me up when I look like I've been travelling all day.

And now I'm headed to Kansas City for the weekend for a good friend's wedding, while

Mister Man is headed to Mississippi for the BYU vs. Ole Miss football game.

lucky.

But I'm excited for the wedding. 

And excited to see my family. 

Au Revoir!