Tenacity

Not too long ago Bubs and I were out for a spin and as we were returning home we had the windows rolled down enjoying the nice, warm, January breeze. And I'm not being sarcastic, for once. As we entered our little apartment cul-de-sac, we passed a man walking his dog and heard a couple of dogs barking their guts out in front of an open window.

Well, Bubs, you see, is very observant. Almost to the point that it is sometimes borderline annoying. Keyword: sometimes. Once we parked, I unloaded him onto the pavement, and started off for our bridge. He, however, had much different plans. Five buildings away he could still hear those dogs yapping out the window. Instead of following me, he perked up, and decided to forge his own way toward the sound. Me, being the amazing and wonderful mom that I am, followed him. Of course I also wanted to make sure an unsuspecting car wouldn't take him out, considering his choice of direction was on the road.

Little Bubs took my hand, then walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, never losing sight of his auditory goal. He only stopped and looked up when we came upon the open window with the dogs. He proceeded to stand there in awe, conjuring up a way to get closer and touch the dogs. Which, of course, was impossible. After several moments of watching, pointing, and mumbled baby jargon, I scooped him up and we headed back home. He was less than excited.

During this stroll, I learned two very important things:

1. My baby is tenacious. Very tenacious.
2. We must get a dog. Now.

As I reflect on this experience, I consider my own level of tenacity. Shortly after Mr. Man and I were married, I worked in a restaurant and had a less than stellar experience. We relocated across town, and I decided to find a new job. There was another restaurant in town that I was dying to work at. So I walked in, handed them an application, spoke with a manager, and was hired on the spot. I walked out and told my husband that I have never not been hired for a job that I have interviewed for. Several months later I heard of a job opening at a school, and as many of you know, was interviewed and hired within a 3 day period.

Still, to this day, I have never not been hired for a job that I was interviewed for.

During my teenage years I had tenacity in my dancing. There were so many times that I should have just given up and quit. But for some reason, I didn't. I had a deep, passionate, burning desire to dance.

Fast forward to the present. I feel like my tenacity has been lacking. I feel like I have been moseying about just trying to be the best wife and mother possible. As a result, I have lost sight of some things that I really want, dreams that I have, or deep, burning desires for accomplishment. I have lost some semblance of who I am.

Yes, I am a wife, mother, and daughter of God. I love those parts of me and wouldn't trade them for anything! However, sometimes I feel I have lost a little part of Karissa. I want to change that. I want to be better. I want to do more. I want to be more. And I have a dream. Or two, or three.

In college, I swore I would teach Kindergarten and write children's books when I "grew up". Well, children's literature is not exactly what I feel passionate about now. I do, however, still feel passionate about writing. It is an outlet for me. It is a way to express myself, my thoughts, my views, my opinions. So, thanks to something I read this morning that fed the fire inside me, I have big plans for the future. I have some hopes, some dreams, and some desire. I hope you will stick with me and continue reading whatever the heck comes out of my mouth as I try to figure out who, exactly, I am.

-k